Why do I sleep – but let my children stand up as long as they love

Once upon a time, sleeping time in my home was a strictly implemented routine.

It included baths, books and then bed at 7am at point – without negotiations.

The sky helps anyone who tried to take the path of this sequence – it was absolutely set in stone!

With three children under three years old, we had to continue in a routine to survive.

And as a mother, I needed kids asleep early so that I could have some time to do before I collapsed in bed.

Our whole life has been around their sleep routine for years.

Quick forward to today, and things look very different.

My kids are now 15, 15 and 12, and I’m the one who goes to bed first.

I am the one with the sleep routine (it still includes a book, but these days is more fourth than the bird).

They, on the other hand, are free to decide when they go to sleep.

Sleep time is their choice

Some nights, they go to bed in a reasonable hour. Other nights, they push it too far and wake up by repenting of their life choices.

But this is the issue – I understand that they have to learn about the threads of how sleep they need, and they do so through test and error.

They gave me freedom when I was a child, and it finally worked (mostly). So I’m happy to allow my children to manage their sleep – within reason. I still check them as I go to bed and I remember being delayed.

I will even suggest that it is time to discard their laptop, turn off their iPad or turn off TV. But I no longer stand on them and apply the lights out. That is to say, if I don’t wake up at midnight and catch someone still in an iPad on a school night. Then it’s a game. There are no questions. (I still have some boundaries!)

Weekends have flexibility

Then there are nights of the week, when apparently they have to stay all night to unlock something special in Roblox. We have a system for this and includes us to talk about it.

If it’s a Friday night, it’s their call – they can stay up all night if they want. If it’s a Saturday, they can stay up – but only if they don’t sleep the next day and they are in bed early on Sunday at night, ready for school. Their lack of sleep at the weekend is not allowed to be confused with Monday morning.

Some parents think I am crazy to let them understand their sleep routine. I know how important sleep is-I have spent years deprived of sleep with twins and a newborn who regularly had to remind myelf not to sprinkle coffee in my strawberries.

These days, my bed is my happy place and I can’t wait to get there.

How’s that going?

So far, our experience of having a quiet sleep routine has been a mixed bag. Some nights, they collide early and wake up refreshed. Other nights, not so much – they withdraw from the bed the next morning and ask, “Why don’t you make me go to sleep?”

Part of the growth is learning from your mistakes, and sleep deprivation is a very effective teacher.

Ironically, the one I thought would push the borders is usually the first in bed. I will dive at 10:00 to remind him of something and find him fasted quickly asleep. Meanwhile, the child who usually follows the rules? He is in the kitchen making cheese in toast at 11am.

I can be their mother, but while old I don’t feel like I’m here to tell them exactly what to do. I can advise, influence, encourage, and be there for them as they make their choices – good or bad.

Finally I’m at a point in my life where I check my sleep. After the decade of broken sleep when they were young, I am more than to create it now.

They can process their routine – my years of sleep battles have finally been done and I am an official out of office.

Now, I just have to figure out what to read now that I have finished from the Onyx storm.