Dear Abby: My brother is engaged to an argumentative shrew – should I ruin them?

Dear Abby: My brother just got engaged with “Woat”. They have met for 2 1/2 years, and no one in the family has anything good to say about it. In the past, he always had lasting relationship with the girls we really enjoy. But now he is growing old, his friends are getting married and seems to be settling and feeling pressure. They are always arguing, and things he never did before he does now – numerous changes at work, make less time for family, etc.

Everyone thinks that, as the older brother, I must be the one to express our concerts for him. Would it be very drastic to say that it is a bad idea? I would say that I support him if he can find three redemption qualities in it because we can find one. – No fan in the east

Dear no fan: I do not think that by telling your engaged brother recently that his bride is “the worst of all time” and no one in the family can find any quality of redemption in her would be welcome. I think, however, how the older sister can point out that you are worried because he and this woman argue a lot, which is why you are suggesting that they seek premarital counseling to run any problems below the line. Then cross the fingers he follows.

Dear Abby: Even though we live only an hour away and we would like to celebrate the holidays with my older parents, they prefer to spend them with their friends. This started when my family lives 14 hours away. We would return home or for thanks or Christmas every year. If we were not at home, my parents gathered with a group of friends without children. This great job – they weren’t alone, and I didn’t feel.

We return home three years ago, mainly to be close to the family again.

However, my parents spend all the main holidays with their friends, even if my family is alone at home. Then my mother asks me to wait an alternative holiday so that the family can gather. Last year, I tried to talk to him. I said it was harmful that she chose to spend a break with her friends and asked her to first consider family plans. But she was quickly in her old tricks. I’m 53 but I still love my mother and dad. What should I do? – Needy in Massachusetts

Dear Needy: Because “speaking it through” with your mother didn’t work, it’s time for you to start making other plans for the main holidays.

You are just as home as you want to be. You and your husband can travel or join a local group and make some volunteers for those less lucky than you in your community.

Time time to get a page from the book of your mother’s games and do what she did, which is to declare independence from her.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or Yes Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.