Dear Abby: My husband obviously lies to me – I don’t know what to do

Dear Abby: I’m married to my husband for 30 years. For the last five years, I have noticed that he is acting a little differently. He has lost a lot of weight. I discovered that he has drank drugs. He had this problem years ago, and I thought we beat him. But now I’m getting the impression that you may never beat it.

My daughter gave me a tracker for my birthday. I put him in his car to see where he went, and this indicated that he went to an apartment building and was there for almost an hour. I don’t know who lives in that building and I’ve never been there. I suspect he is cheating on me. I can’t think of another reason he would be in an apartment building in a really bad area if there wasn’t something that kept it there. When I asked him where he was, he said, “Why are you asking me so many questions?”

I know my husband is lying to me. I am at my end of the ingenuating and I don’t know what to do. I know it will be really difficult to leave if this is what I choose to do, but I think I have no other choice. When I suggested a marriage counseling, he refused. I told him he had to make drug counseling. He said there is no problem. Clearly, he has a problem. I told him he is too old for that. What do you think I should do? – Dubious in Michigan

Darling suspicious: Before doing anything else, it is important to protect yourself. Talk to your doctor to check for STD. Then tell your husband about the tracker and ask him to explain the time he spent in that apartment building. Was he with another woman? His drug dealer? (If she is a woman, does she plan to continue to see her?) Depending on the answers he gives you and if you can trust them, you may want to talk to a lawyer to determine how you want to process.

Dear Abby: My 95-year-old mother has been healthy until late. She is in an independent living structure and is happy there. I am the main guardian for her medical needs as her heart has weakened, and she is now under palliative care.

My sister “Julie”, who lives abroad, has decided to place a camera in the mother’s house and track and record her day and night. Although Mom does not disturb the camera, it makes me uncomfortable to look and monitor it continuously as I visit and help. Julie gets angry if I cover the camera while I’m there. When lining the lid, I hear the camera enlarge the room and focus on us. Am I wrong to love intimacy during my visits with my mother? – Shy camera in Colorado

Dear Dear Camera: The point of the camera is when your mother is just someone can hold an eye on it. If you are there, there should be no need for the camera. I will assume that you have told your sister that you do not want your visits to be monitored, and she continues to do it anyway. Feel free to cover it while you are there, but remember to discover it when you leave.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or Yes Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.