Fight with your spouse in front of the bed? The scam of psychologists to break the habit

It is a family scene for many couples: you go to work, come home exhaus, eat dinner, watch TV and then go to bed.

Just as you attract the lids, you decide that it is the perfect time to have a long discussion about finances, children, the state of your relationship, or maybe a three -second remark that your partner made two years, just to keep thoughts.

What follows can be a back and far striker, where the choice of words and micro-expression of each other has been examined under the dark light of your bed lamp, which is begging to turn off.

After some “can we talk about this later?” Demand and “but we can’t go to the angry bed!” Retorts, it’s spent an hour your partner will gladly remind you the next day “could have passed sleeping.”

Then why does this happen? Why do we think those sacred moments before bedtime, to finish and hit your Goodreads Purpose of Reading – Is the perfect time to transmit our celebrated complaints?

According to Carly Dober, a leading psychologist and owner of the clinic in enriching life psychology, this model is more common than you might think.

Late night tension

Dober explains that individual biology and nervous systems can greatly affect the way and when couples argue.

As fatigue enters the end of a long day, it can affect the way people interpret situations that may not feel so intensely during the day.

“Conflicts can often arise when there is not enough to give a busy day to connect and talk to their partner, or because the business of an average day distracted them as long as it was to go to bed, “She tells her news. .AU.

Some people can stand back from discussing certain topics throughout the day, only to make their emotions more pronounced in the evening, encouraging them to grow them.

What do couples argue typically?

Dober, who specializes in relationships, reveals that most arguments revolve around ordinary triggers: finances, parents’ differences, intimacy, mismanagement and disagreements of the past.

These sensitive topics often reappear at night when partners are preparing to rest, which can intensify the arguments.

The consequences of sleep

While it may seem better to express your feelings whenever you feel urgent, arguing that in front of the bed is not always the best idea.

“Of course, it can lower your sleep or affect the quality of your sleep, both can have serious consequences for mental health, mood, functioning and recognition,” she says.

“You may also be arguing with someone who is really exhausted by their day and not catching them in a good time the success of the discussion.

“Not only that, we don’t want to accompany our beds with arguments. We want to accompany them with sleep and sex.”

Dober’s mirrors are supported by a study in the US, which found that pre -bed fighting can lead to an increased likelihood of nightmares, which adversely affects sleep quality.

Plus, being deprived of sleep makes it more difficult to regulate emotions, making it more likely that negative dynamics will be repeated in the coming days as you are more reactive to stimulate.

Strategies for better communication

To prevent these arguments from happening in the first place, Doberi encourages couples in the community open for their concerts without waiting for sleep time.

“Discussing with your partner that there is something you want to address and find a time that works for both can be very useful,” she advises.

“Also, gently remind yourself that if it is not urgent, all issues can be discussed the next day.”

It suggests creating regular control meetings that allow couples not only to address issues but also to know what works well in their relationships.

“You can discuss how your partner is supporting you (it is important to underline the positions, not just the problems with problems), the areas that may not help, and any issues that have come out during the week,” she explains.

“For some couples, this may be a Wednesday evening meeting; For others, it can function better as a Saturday morning morning.

“Find a time that works best for all of you and treat it as a regular discussion of maintenance of relativity.”