Dear Abby: I’m a stranger to all my siblings – I wish they’d stop texting me

Dear ABBY: My brothers and I are foreigners. I live in another country.

My brother and I never got along and stopped talking many years ago. My older sister and I, after a long, toxic relationship, finally had a blast after Dad died. We haven’t spoken since. My younger sister took my older sister’s side and won’t even speak to me.

I have communicated briefly by text and email with all of my siblings regarding my parents’ faith and final matters.

My sisters still insist on sending me birthday texts. Because of this, I feel compelled to send them a birthday message as well. I stress weeks before their birthdays because of him.

I felt calm after leaving my big sister. I have a lot of feelings of resentment towards all my siblings that I took advantage of my parents, especially this older sister.

She lived with them rent-free for many years. She refused to get a job and didn’t want to help – not even clean their room when they were old.

Doesn’t leave include birthdays? Why do I feel this way? — AMAZING 364 DAYS IN ARIZONA

Dear foreigners: There is such a thing as righteous indignation. This seems to be how you feel about your siblings.

Whatever closeness there may have once been seems to have evaporated many years before your parents died.

Family separation is defined as the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical or emotional distancing.

That seems to accurately describe you and your siblings.

If you’d rather not exchange birthday greetings, don’t. I suspect that once you stop replying and reciprocating, those greetings will cease.

Dear ABBY: Two years ago, one of my best friends took his own life. I had known him since we were in first year.

We dated for almost a year when we were still in school, before we decided to break up and stay friends. However, she was much closer to me than that. She was like a sister. I loved it so much.

Every year on the anniversary of her death, I go somewhere new, somewhere she would have loved to see had she lived.

I know nothing I could have done would have stopped it. I understand that. But Abby, how can I stop feeling like I could have done more?

I don’t want to feel guilty anymore. I just want to remember it. I just want to love it. — HER ‘SISTER’ IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SISTER: Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dear friend. The feelings you have after her death—regardless of the circumstances—are normal.

Did we do enough? Could we have done more? Is it good to go on with our lives? The term for this is survivor’s guilt.

One way to better cope with these feelings about her loss may be to join a grief support group or talk through them with a licensed therapist.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.