Dear Abby: You need to have more compassion for open relationships

Dear ABBY: I’m a mental health therapist and one of my favorite things to do is read about people’s experiences. Part of that is reading advice columns like yours. More than once, a person has written about being part of an open relationship (I’m talking about consensual situations). Your bias and negative judgment always come across in a way that makes me think you’re not really giving the best feedback.

In general, I prefer monogamous one-on-one relationships. Granted, I know life can be complicated and what happens between two or three (or more) adult consultations is nothing to scoff at. I suggest you reflect on your prejudice and judgment of people who live differently than you.

Sure, sometimes I read about people being rude and ignorant, and you put them in their place. However, these situations – open relationships – I think are really out of your comfort zone to preach. So more research and grow more compassion, please, Abby. – MORE OPEN-MINDED IN ARIZONA

DEARLY DEAR: you are right. Therefore I have a bias against open relationships. However, I do not lack compassion. I feel the way I do because I’ve seen and learned from readers that these relationships are often not as “free willed” as some would like to think.

Sometimes the recessive partner feels forced by the dominant partner. I have also heard from those who tried it and ended up losing their spouse. While some open relationships are successful, the people I hear from are usually the ones who are hurting, which has also affected my feelings on the subject.

Dear ABBY: My wife and I rent half of my sister and brother-in-law’s house. They live in the front; we live in the back. We have our own separate kitchen and bathroom, although we have to go outside and around the corner and then back in to use it.

We went on vacation for a month. While we were gone, my brother-in-law had to remodel our kitchen and bathroom and have it finished by the time we got back. Four months later, nothing is ready to use. They told us we could use their kitchen and dedicated one of the indoor bathrooms to us. Using their kitchen has never worked for us and my wife is always uncomfortable going into their part of the house.

Out of concern, my brother-in-law cut our rent in half and we were fine with that. We mostly communicate by texting. He now claims it will be finished next month, but I’m not so sure. Regardless, he now wants to raise our rent to roughly 75% of “usual” instead of half. What do you think about this? – Not eligible in CALIFORNIA

DEAR BEZIT: I think that because your brother-in-law is unreliable, you should pay the rent increase when the promised remodeling is completed and not before.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.