Dear Abby: My mother and stepmother (“Hugh”) are divorcing after 20 years of marriage. Mom has been involved with fraudsters for the last two years, donating money and her social security number. I don’t talk to her because of that. She actually waited for me to direct her places to meet these men and give her her money!
My stepmother and I started talking a lot about things involving my mother. We write each other good morning and good night. Hugh has no children, and my father of birth is in Ohio, so I don’t see it often.
The problem is, my husband is saying that my relationship with Hugh is “strange”, and he is feeling insecure. He says he thinks Hugh and I have been drawn to each other. I am a guardian by profession, and I am always there for people. I told Hugh how my husband feels, and now I feel bad about this situation. Your thoughts would be highly appreciated. – Complicated in carolin
Complicated dear: If you appreciate your marriage, look at this from your husband’s perspective. Checking every morning and every night with the man your mother is divorcing is unusual. However, if Hugh had a hand to raise you, the commissioning with you is understandable. If your husband feels threatened, maybe Hugh can explain it. Whether or not he dedicates his fear, it’s worth a try.
Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful, intelligent, and kind man for many years. We have recently retired and started enjoying the retirement years together. Over the years, we have worked through several harsh chapters, but we still share a wonderful connection and respect for each other.
The problem? We drink a lot. While I would like to take a break together or focus on healthy activities, my husband eagerly denies that he has a problem. He thinks that I have to abstain when I feel like him, but, in essence, so from myelf, as he has no interest in leaving alcohol – never. No I will be able to draw it in any form of therapy or counseling. His father was a well -known therapist, but a terrible father. My husband is careful of therapy in any form. Just I’m not sure how to move forward. – Moderation in the west
Dear moderation: Here’s how. Go online and extend some of the AL-Anon meetings in your area. (I’m sure you will find enough.) Take attend some of those meetings and meet members who are also involved with alcohol -dependent partners. When you do it, you will realize that you are not alone.
Denial is part of the problem with people who have a dependence problem. Because things are unlikely to change, you may have to learn to accept your husband as he is and find others who will join you in healthy activities.
Dear Reader: On this day that celebrates love, I want you to know how much I appreciate the relationship I have with you. Wishing you all a happy Valentine’s Day! – with love, Abby
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or yes Box 69440, Los Angeles, Ca 90069.
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