Dear Abby: I recently married an old high school flame after 30 years apart. Since we’re both in our 50s, we wanted a low-key ceremony—no wedding, no fuss, just us, madly in love and doing our own thing. My older sister, the only person we told, begged me to be involved – “At least let me sign as a witness. At least let me bring a cake. At least let me do the flowers.” We took it with herself in the courtroom and she took many photographs, which will be appreciated.
The problem started after the court ceremony when she insisted we go partying. Although we had made other plans, we agreed. Well, a bar turned into him taking over, getting very drunk, asking we do this and that, and going to another place. We close it and go back to the hotel to eat the cake that we didn’t ask far.
She drank more, was too drunk to drive, then passed out for six hours. When she finally came, she was “so embarrassed” and left. So instead of the magical day (and night) we had planned, we fell asleep because we had an early plan the next day. The problem is, I can’t forget it. I don’t even want to see it. How can I get past this? – The unhappy bride in Florida
Dear Bride: Ok, your sister has a drinking problem. If this was the first time you noticed, I can understand why the situation got out of hand. If it wasn’t, then “get over it” by recognizing it YOUR part in what happened.
After the ceremony, when your sister wanted to go “celebrate”, you and your husband should have told her that what she was proposing was not what you had planned and parted ways.
Dear Abby: I have had a friend for many years. We are from the same hometown and enjoy getting together weekly for Saturday morning brunch and long conversations about our highs and sometimes lows. We considered each other best friends.
A few years ago, she found a boyfriend (also a retired person), and since then, she no longer makes time for our recipients. It’s been two years since she could make it over a meal or a glass of wine or a quick chat. Now when we talk on the phone, it’s limited to a “How are you? I’m finally talking.
Although I still send cards and drop off a holiday gift like we used to, there is barely any acknowledgment. I no longer feel inclined to continue one-sided, frustrating phone contacts. Should I just let it all go, fade into the distance and be satisfied that it has run its course? – Left behind in California
Dear left behind: Your friend’s life has moved in a different direction. Because she is now devoting her energy to her relationship with her boyfriend, the answer to your question is yes.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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