Dear Abby: I want closure from my first love – I don’t care that it’s been 15 years and she’s now married

Dear ABBY: Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my first love. Thoughts come and go, which I know is normal. A week or so ago, I stumbled upon her LinkedIn account, saw her profile picture, and couldn’t help but remember all the good times we had together 15 years ago. I’m 35 now and have been in a relationship for seven years. She is married for 10.Â

I am not looking to rekindle a relationship. I just feel like there was never an official closure to our relationship, and I suspect that has always affected my subsequent relationships. I love my girlfriend and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I know how it would affect us if I mentioned it, so I’m not sure how to proceed.

Will the feeling pass? Will I always feel this way? Will I always look back on my first love and think she was the one I was meant to be with and if one thing didn’t go the way it did, would it be me? Should I reach out and try to get closure? – REMEMBRANCE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR REMINDER: I don’t think so. You and this woman have both moved on with your lives. I see nothing positive to gain by returning at this point, especially since you know it could negatively affect your current relationship. Let the past be the past and let it go.

Dear ABBY: My boyfriend, “Chad” and I have been together for 10 years. We don’t have children together, but we have been step-parents to each other’s children since the beginning of our relationship. Since we’ve been together, we’ve had to deal with his ruthless ex-wife, who has had multiple affairs. We have also dealt with my ex-husband moving out of state and estranged from our daughter.

To say the least, we’ve exposed ourselves by dealing with children and exes. We have also had health issues that have resulted in surgeries for Chad, my daughter and myself. He only asked me to marry him when he came out of surgery – once when he was coming out of anesthesia in the recovery room and another time just after we got home from another surgery.

Am I wrong for not taking the “post-op suggestions” seriously? We recently became grandparents and I don’t want to hurt him by saying no. It seems to me that I need a perfectly clear proposal. – REALLY WANT IT IN UTAH

DEAR AND WANTED: You and Chad have invested 10 years in this relationship. If you would like to marry him, talk to him and ask if he remembers proposing to you, which he did twice. Tell him that you can’t in good conscience hold him to a proposal that was made while he was under the influence of anesthesia or pain medication, but you would be open to it if he asked in the light of day. Then cross your fingers.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.