Dear Abby: My sister wants to ‘win me’ from my fiancee and marry me herself

Dear ABBY: My little sister and I were close growing up. We didn’t have many friends, but we were always ready to play games and have fun with each other. At one point, my sister said she wanted to marry me when we grew up. I didn’t think much of it because we were still kids and I thought she didn’t know there were different kinds of love.

As we grew up we became friends and today I am engaged to my long time girlfriend. My sister and my fiancee got along great during the years we were still just “boyfriend and girlfriend”, but after we announced our engagement, my sister became hostile.

As it turned out, my sister took her intention of marrying me seriously, and even as we grew up and she understood the difference between family and romantic love, she carried a torch for me even as a teenager.

I wish my little sister could be a part of the wedding because of how important she has been to me, but she is adamant about “winning me” from my fiancee. Is there any way to explain the reality of this situation, or are our sibling bonds made for good? – Terrified brothers and sisters in CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRIMITTED: Your sister needs the services of a mental health professional to get rid of her obsession with you. She should note be a part of your wedding because her presence in the circumstances can be disruptive. If she participates at all, someone should be assigned to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Maybe your relationship with your sibling can be restored later, but don’t bank on it.

Dear ABBY: I’m dating a man I’ll call Lionel. He lives with me temporarily (and pays half the rent) while I get on my feet because I was recently laid off.

Lionel was previously in an 18-year relationship that ended three years ago when his ex dumped him. She still asks him to pay for things, including an $1,800 credit card bill he ran up to her. He tells me he’s “forced” to do it, which makes me suspect he’s still in love with her. Even though Lionel claims he loves me, he still does things like this for her. I’m not sure what to think and I’m not sure I should be with him anymore. Am I wrong to be upset? – INCORPORATED IN NEVADA

DEAR INTRODUCTORY: Lionel seems to be a generous person. If he’s living with you to ease your financial burden since the layoff, I think you should be grateful. I don’t know why he feels compelled to pay his ex’s credit card bill, and you didn’t mention why.

Calmly discuss this with him before deciding if it’s worth ending the relationship. If it’s a single thing, let it slide at least until you find another job. However, if he is permanently attached to the woman, find another roommate.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.