Dear ABBY: My ex-husband and I share a 3-year-old grandson through our son. So far, it hasn’t been a big problem because I live in the same city as my son’s family, but that will change. My grandson is the joy of my life, and I plan to visit wherever they move after my son’s transfer. I had thought of returning to our hometown. Unbeknownst to me, my son has also thought of going back there.
The problem for me is that my ex-husband still lives there, and he tends to take over and monopolize the child the same way he did with our son. He remains hostile to me 20 years after our divorce.
Part of me says I should be willing to endure the pain of being around my ex to be around my grandson. However, it strongly reminds me of staying married to him for the sake of what I perceived to be the well-being of our children. In retrospect, this was, of course, wrong. Despite my reservations, should I put aside my doubts, return to my hometown and see what happens? – DECISIONS TO MAKE
HONORABLE DECISIONS: Discuss your reservations with your son and daughter-in-law. If your ex-spouse tries to monopolize their child, can you stop him? On the positive side, you are not the same woman you were 20 years ago. I would like to think that you are stronger and smarter now. If I’m right, while your ex might be a pain in the back, it would be a tolerable pain and you would have the access you want to your grandson.
Dear ABBY: My mother-in-law has a habit that makes me sick to my stomach. When we’re out to dinner with her, she often asks, “Can I have that?” Then, without waiting for an answer, she will stick her fork or spoon into my food and take a piece of it. It makes me nauseous when I try to eat the rest of the serving. I don’t know how to handle this. She’s very sensitive and easily offended, and I’ve always had the feeling that she doesn’t like me and doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son.
I have asked my husband to ask his mother nicely not to do this but he refuses because he doesn’t want to offend his mother. When I told him I got sick to my stomach, he asked if I ever got sick from eating food that touched her used dishes and I had to admit that I didn’t. So he said, “Then where is the harm?” It still really bothers me. What can I do? – MY FOOD IS MINE
BELOVED FOOD IS MINE: It doesn’t matter if your mother-in-law thinks you’re not good enough for her precious son. Because tolerating her rudeness hasn’t endeared you to her, you might as well start standing up for yourself. The next time she asks for “a taste of that” smile, grab your plate, cut a piece, and then give it to her.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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