Partners who do this should be left in the past.
Los Angeles-based psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula made a YouTube video with a dire warning about “forgiving the future,” a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists in romantic relationships.
Future cheating involves a person making promises to their partner that they have no sincere intention of keeping.
Durvasula explained, “Faking the future isn’t about talking about the future in a hopeful way, it’s just wishful thinking.”
“Future forgery is trying to coax something from someone else based on a future promise,” she continued. “Future faking is saying [that promise will] happens if the other person in the relationship just stands by or does something.”
According to Durvasula, the “goal” of the future is not to make their promise come true. Rather, they want to keep their relationship together or get whatever they want—adoration, status, and otherwise—from their partner.
An example of the future scam, according to Durvasula, is the narcissistic person telling their partner that they will move to a bigger house next year, as long as the partner doesn’t spend money on themselves during the 12 months. next.
She also said the “ultimate future scam” involves the narcissist promising to grow old with their partner.
Durvasula called that tactic “a complete tragedy for many people in narcissistic marriages.”
“This concept of aging together is a real roll of the dice,” she said. “Because for one person or the other, someone in the relationship is always going to get stuck taking care, no matter what.”
Durvasula continued, “I’ve had the experience of dealing with many, many people who have gone through and are still in long-term narcissistic intimate relationships. 40 plus years, even 50 and 60 plus years.”
She noted that society “didn’t talk about narcissism until relatively recently the way we do now,” so many people who are in their 40s and older “are tolerating toxic relationships but not having any word or model for it.
One of Durvasula’s overall points from her video was that narcissistic people “will never take care” of their partner as they age, despite their many promises.
“What can happen is that the narcissist’s health may decline before yours, and then you have the unappealing prospect of caring for a selfish ungrateful person who has made your life miserable.”
“However,” Durvasula added, “the far worse option and frankly the most likely option is that your health will deteriorate first and you will have to rely on those to take care of you.”
Your illness will be their concern,” she concluded.
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