Exclusive | Why even hot couples cool off after the holidays – and how to make ‘sexless January’ hot again

Confession: as a bachelor who struggled through a very single period of time off, I recently came across some news that made me feel a little (embarrassingly) smug.

It all started when my friend, who has been married for ten years, sent me a rambling text: “Honestly, I have never loved my husband more, but he was completely cold to me!”

Well, safe to say my ears are toast. This couple has always been known for their public displays of excessive affection. They’re the hot high school couple who never grew out of the “ripping each other’s clothes off” scene.

Yes, yes, good for them. Sigh.

So this revelation came as a shock. She explained that she thinks their dry spell comes down to driving her crazy at Christmas. Dragging him to three different relatives’ houses, assigning him the unenviable job of hanging holiday lights all over the house, and sending him to countless last-minute supermarkets requires “just one more thing.”

“He’s so hot he doesn’t even want to be petted!” she groans. Meanwhile, she’s desperate to reconnect and strip down, but he’s more interested in watching football highlights. I gurgle.

It turns out she’s not alone. Past surveys by the American Psychological Association found that 38% of Americans describe the holidays as “somewhat stressful” and 26% say they are “very stressful.” Add in post-Christmas credit card debt, family drama and bloating from one too many servings of turkey, and it’s no wonder couples need to take a breather in January.

Yes, holiday burnout is real. Experts agree that the holidays are a perfect storm to kill the mood.

“It’s incredibly common for couples to experience a decline in intimacy during January,” Simone Jobson, a New York-based relationship counselor, told me. “The holidays create a lot of external pressure, from financial strain to emotional exhaustion. By the time it’s over, most people just need time to rest and recover.â€

And let’s not forget the rather grim elephant in the room: January is officially divorce season. Legal experts say registrations increase by 30% at the beginning of the year, as couples who have stayed over the holidays finally call it quits. Could dryness in the bedroom be a warning sign? Or is it just seasonal burnout?

Before you start Googling “couples” therapy near me, let’s back off. A dry spell in January doesn’t have to spell doom and gloom for your relationship.

I’ve searched high and low and found some cheeky tips to help you thaw the frost:

1. Start small: The solution my friends? She leaned over during a football game and whispered, “You know, I think the neighbors heard us last time.” She says his reaction was immediate. “His eyes lit up and suddenly I wasn’t invisible anymore!” Sometimes, all you need is a sexy reminder of what you have.
2. Schedule a do-nothing day: New York’s culture of “go, go, go” can leave almost no time for relaxation. So why not set aside a day to do absolutely nothing but Netflix, snacking, and maybe a few cuddles on the couch that lead to more. Aren’t they the best kind of hugs?
3. Get your flirt on: Remember when you used to write each other funny memes, share jokes or surprise each other with embarrassing sex? Start doing it again! Humor and play are such an underrated aphrodisiac.
4. Break the routine: Experts say even small changes can reignite the spark. Switch up your usual pizza night with a cooking class or go ice skating for a nostalgic throwback date. Bonus: physical activity increases endorphins, which can help rekindle your mood. Go climb a damn mountain together.
5. Use January as a fresh start: Instead of focusing on resolutions about kale smoothies and gym memberships (snort!), make a joint resolution to prioritize each other. Set goals for date nights, little surprises or even more hugs.

So is a sexless January a red flag? Not necessarily. Simone Jobson explains: “Many couples heal naturally once the stress of the holidays is behind them. But if the disconnect continues into February or March, it may be worth addressing deeper issues

Here I was, completely absorbed, thinking I was the only person in the world who wasn’t getting some action this holiday season. Turns out even the wildest couples are giving the ol’ “meh, no thanks.

But let’s not stop there. It’s time to get back into the game and heat things up. Because life’s too short for a permanent “Sexless January”—and honestly, who wants to wait for spring to bring back the spice? not me. Christmas was pretty cold!