Dear Abby: I’m torn between my group of friends and my friend’s wife and son

Dear ABBY: I have a friend, “Doug”, that I have known for 30 years. I left, but we get together once or twice a year. I’ve known his wife longer than he has and have watched their son grow up, following his sports activities when he visited and contributing to school fundraising activities. He is a good kid.

I have recently heard rumors that Doug has made inappropriate advances towards and touched women within our circle of friends. It happened once when I was there. Unfortunately, there was more than one charge. I don’t believe those rumours. Although I haven’t seen it, the behavior after the event makes sense to me now.

I am sad, disappointed and a little angry. I have distanced myself from Doug because one of the victims is also a close friend. I feel guilty for carrying on a relationship with him as if nothing had happened. Doug’s wife and son keep asking me when I will visit again. Now that I’m semi-retired, I have no excuses. I can’t just go off the grid, and I clearly don’t want to be the one to destroy the family. I also don’t want to dishonor the victim by acting like nothing happened. Is there a way out of this? – Torn in WISCONSIN

Dear thorn: I’m going to assume that friend Doug touched inappropriately said you what happened, and you have not heard about it second hand. If so, the rumors are credible. Did this change in Doug’s behavior occur because he was drunk or otherwise impaired? If the answer is no, he may have a medical problem and should be evaluated by his doctor.

If you are really his wife’s friend, tell her what they told you, that there are rumors going around and that you are worried about her. It may not be news she wants to hear, but it’s important to tell her.

Dear ABBY: I’m a man who recently found a new job with a group of people I’m getting to know and like. One of my siblings died by suicide a little over 10 years ago. I miss her so much, but I’ve gone through the grieving stages, accepted it and moved on.

We had a party at work recently. People were talking about family and siblings and it was my turn to talk about my siblings. I said I have two, but one is dead. It didn’t seem like the ideal answer in this situation, which I’ve been in a few times over the years. What would be the best way to answer a question about a deceased sibling? I don’t want to forget him and all the wonderful memories I had with him. – WELL IN MASSACHUSETTS

Dear Awkward: You handled the situation the right way. You are not obligated to discuss the suicide death of a sibling, or any other relative for that matter, during a party. To do otherwise would certainly have dampened the festive atmosphere. This is something that is best discussed privately if you wish.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.