Dear Abby: Am I wrong to tell my SIL and BIL that they should have talked to me before inviting his kids to my event?

DEAR ABBY: I have been an amateur astronomer for over 25 years. I always go meteor watching as well as observe any celestial event. This year I invited my brother-in-law and his wife to watch a meteor shower with me and my husband. Since we both have campers, I booked and paid the deposit for two campsites in a beautiful location, close to some of the best night skies. Reservations were made more than a month ago.

My sister-in-law, whom I love dearly and have been good friends with for over 20 years, called me yesterday to let me know that my BIL had invited three of their pre-teen nieces. Abby, I thought they realized it was going to be an adult event since we’d be up half the night and drive 30 minutes to get to dark sky country. I do this every year.

I told my SIL that my BIL should have asked me first since I invited him and made all the arrangements for the event. We talked on the phone for 90 minutes before I told her that my BIL was wrong for not asking me first if it was okay.

Moments after we hung up, she texted me and told me to cancel their reservation because they wouldn’t be attending. We are driving 90 miles to this campground. They live 30 minutes away from her. Was I wrong to tell him that they should ask me first since I am a lady for two days and nights? – STARRY EYED IN THE WEST

STARRY EYED BELOVED: Your brother-in-law should not have invited anyone without first clearing it with you. What they did may have been well-intentioned, but it was also rude. If any of those girls show an interest in astronomy, in the future, you may choose to invite them to this type of event. But their presence should not have been brought upon you as it was.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost 20 years. My mother-in-law has always been passive-aggressive, critical and meddlesome in our business. My husband never told her to stop because he could never resist her. Alas, I did not defend myself either. I finally got it and cut it off to an extent.

My husband says he supports me but has never shown it. He now often talks to her away from home and lies to me about it. Since I’ve stood up to him, he’s also been drawn to me emotionally, which he barely managed before. She still meddles in every part of his life and talks to him like he’s still her little child.

I am done with this unhealthy dynamic. I insisted on therapy, but I haven’t seen any change in him. He only goes because I force him. Do you have any tips? — BURNT IN NEW YORK

BURNED BELOVED: I agree that the dynamic you described is unhealthy. It seems that your husband is more attached to his mother than to you. So nothing impulsive or out of anger. If you’re really burned out, keep talking to your therapist to help you decide how to move forward.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.