DEAR ABBY: My husband and I (both women) have been together for 25 years. For half of them we lived in the Middle East. We met while working as healthcare expats. My husband is from South Africa and was raised very differently from me.
When we finally returned to the US, we bought a house in a southern state where two of my brothers live. As time went on, my wife let me know that she did not want them to stay at our house when they came to visit. She preferred to stay in a hotel. She said she was disgusted that they might not shower before bed and that our cats would be disturbed by their presence. I told her I thought her comments were rude and reminded her that sheets are always washed after guests leave.
This has caused a lot of conflict in our relationship and I’m not sure I can continue to alienate and hurt my family by not welcoming them into my home. I love my husband, but I also love my family and friends, and I want them to feel welcome. I am confused about what to do. – FIRED IN TWO
BELOVED I am attracted: I don’t know what your husband has against your brothers being house guests, but her “reasons” for wanting them to stay at the hotel are more excuses than reasons. As you mentioned, the sheets are washed and changed after the guests leave. And cats are adaptable creatures. An alternative could be for your spouse to leave when your relatives come to visit, or for you to visit them instead.
DEAR ABBY: My sister passed away 11 months ago, just one month after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I loved him and missed him so much. She told me and her husband that she wanted me to have specific items and her pension that was in her name, but she didn’t have a will.
My brother-in-law has not given me anything that he asked to be given to me. I haven’t asked him why, but I feel that if I don’t, he will never give me an explanation. I understand that since she did not have a will, he is not legally bound to give me anything. It’s about trust and honesty and fulfilling her spoken wishes, but I don’t think he sees it that way. I feel totally disrespected. Should I never ask him why and distance myself from him? – Disappointed IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my condolences on the loss of your sister. By ignoring her wishes, her husband is not ignoring you, he is ignoring you here. It’s a shame your sister didn’t have her wishes in writing, but no, you’ll have to admit it. Since you feel you need answers, ask him why he hasn’t followed through on what your sister wanted. Depending on his answer, decide whether to distance yourself then.
TO MY READERS: I wish you all a merry, meaningful, healthy and safe Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone! – I LOVE ABBY
TO MY READERS: The eight days of the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah begin at sunset. Happy Hanukkah, everyone, and a happy holiday of lights to us all! – “LATKAS” OF LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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