If the holidays are giving you the blues instead of cheer – here’s how to find peace: ‘You’re not alone’

The bells are ringing. The snow is shining. But you are bored.

You may be suffering from a case of the holiday blues, which experts say is not uncommon.

A strained relationship with family, for example, can make this time of year quite lonely.

Vacations are expensive and financial problems can cause great stress. Anxiety about the holidays can all trigger depression and worsen existing mental health concerns.

“Many people in certain years may find the holidays more challenging than they have experienced in years past,” said Shilagh Mirgain, a psychologist at UW Health in Madison, Wisconsin. “It is important to recognize the common humanity that others are also facing.

“You are not alone.”

Here’s what experts say you can do to make your holiday season a little more bearable, if not more joyful.

If family time isn’t much fun, set boundaries

Spending a lot of time with family is hard to avoid during the holidays, Mirgain said, but there are ways to make it a little easier.

“Certainly this year, I think with the last election, there’s a lot of division and disagreement, and maybe you have to interact with family members who have really opposing beliefs,” she said. “It can bring up strong emotions.”

Think about the boundaries you want to set: What kind of contact do you want to have with your family and how long are you prepared to be around them?

It’s also important to give yourself permission to exit the event — and have some strategies in place, she said. For example, if you need some space, go for a walk or do some work.

And if stressful conversations do arise, you need to have language ready to set your boundaries quickly and firmly.

“You can say, ‘Gosh, thanks for asking, but I don’t talk politics on vacation,'” Mirgain suggested.

If you are sad or lonely, connect with others

The holidays can be difficult for people who are grieving or who don’t have someone close to celebrate with.

“Loneliness and isolation can get worse during the holiday season when you look around and it seems like everyone is gathering and you don’t have plans, or you’re not planning your plans,” Mirgain said.

Find ways to connect with people if that’s something you want, such as scheduling calls to people across the country or volunteering in your community.

“There are so many opportunities to give during this time, and I think giving is one of the best things we can do for our well-being,” she said.

And if you’re grieving the death of someone close to you, the holidays can be the perfect time to reflect on that person’s legacy, said Dr. Ellen Lee, a geriatric psychiatrist at UC San Diego Health.

“Try to honor that person by visiting their grave site or doing something that they really enjoyed doing, and then find people to share those memories with,” Lee said. She also advises people not to suppress feelings, but to allow themselves to grieve.

If money worries you, get in touch

Gifts, dinners, decorations – it’s all a lot to keep track of around this time of year, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. These extra expenses and appointments can put more stress on your mental health.

For milder symptoms of depression, anxiety or mood problems, rely on tried-and-true self-care methods, experts said, such as spending time doing something you enjoy or watching a movie.

But it’s important to seek help if you begin to feel increasing financial anxiety or intensifying symptoms that impair your ability to function. Early intervention can prevent them from escalating, Mirgain said, adding that if you have suicidal thoughts, contact your provider. You can also call or text 988 or chat at 988Lifeline.org.

If you are overwhelmed, set realistic expectations

Remember, your vacation doesn’t have to be a standout movie. Give yourself permission to do it differently this year, Lee said.

“We have so many goals, so many objectives,” she said. “Getting all the presents, decorating the house perfectly… sometimes it helps to focus on the most important part of it.”

This may look different depending on who you are: The most important part may be spending time with people you don’t get to see often, or eating a nice meal with your favorite foods.

Lee emphasized that it is good to have a quiet party.

“I ask people, ‘What’s the best part of the party?'” she said, “It’s usually not about the decorations or all this extra stuff that we all spend so much time worrying about.”