Dear Abby: My fiance’s parents want us to postpone the wedding after a big fight

Dear ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up for a while but got back together and hit it off really well and got engaged six months ago.

Last week, we had a big fight where all my resentment came out. I’ve tried to communicate my needs, but while he changes briefly, things always come back to the same.

We are supposed to get married in nine months at his parents but after the fight, thinking we were done, he told them all our problems. Now they want us to postpone the wedding, saying we are unstable.

I didn’t have any problem with his parents before. They loved me. I’m furious that he ran to them instead of working things out with me. I feel like he did us a great disservice by insulting his parents.

I’ve been asking for couples advice for months, and he always refused – until now. I’m not sure I want to marry him anymore.

I feel like his parents have crossed a line, and so has he. What should I do? — HOLDING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING: Be glad it happened. Your relationship with your fiancé IS “unstable”.

Now you know that when things get tough, he’ll run to his parents instead of trying to work it out with you.

If that’s a deal breaker and you don’t want to marry her, tell her it’s over.

HOWEVER, if you feel that counseling could help you both communicate better, take “his suggestion” and get a referral to a licensed professional who can provide you with premarital counseling.

It’s an investment that can pay off in many ways.

Dear ABBY: My close friend “Janine” complains to me about the horrible way her daughter talks to her and always brings up the past.

Janine has asked her daughter to forgive her for anything done in her childhood that has caused her grief. She has apologized hundreds of times, but her daughter won’t let it go.

Janine’s counselor told her to stop allowing her daughter to treat her with disrespect, so she has stayed away with no contact.

Now her daughter has reached out saying she really wants a relationship with him but they will have to agree to disagree because she wouldn’t change and she knew her mother wouldn’t either.

Janine found religion years ago and she has changed. I told him that he should set boundaries for himself and not let anyone cross them.

She is not really sure how to handle this situation and feels guilty about it all. What is your opinion on this matter? – SUFFERING FRIEND IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FRIEND: Not knowing how abusive your friend Janine may have been to her daughter when she was young, I hesitate to offer an opinion.

However, I think it would be in everyone’s best interest if Janine accepted her daughter’s olive branch provided they schedule several sessions with Janine’s counselor to mediate.

If they do, it can be more enlightening and less painful for both of them, and it can open a healthy line of communication.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.