Dear Abby: My daughter-in-law ignores me on her phone

Dear ABBY: When my son got married in 2003, we had many good times with him and his wife. Things have changed now that we have cell phones. It’s almost impossible to have a relationship with her because when they come to our house, she’s always on the phone! My son talks to his father, and I’m left sitting there wondering what I should do.

Would you say something to your daughter-in-law about this? She immediately picks up the phone when she arrives and stays on it most of the time. This was not the case when mobile phones were not so prolific. It hurts my feelings that she only comes to my house to hang out with her Facebook friends and not us because we rarely see them.

Should I speak? I don’t want to start trouble and I don’t want to isolate them. I love them, but I think it’s rude that she’s on her phone the whole time they’re here. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for her to talk to me. I have two other daughters-in-law who can pick up the phone now and then, but not like this. – OFF THE PHONE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR: Of course what your daughter-in-law is doing is rude. It is also insensitive. It won’t stop unless you and your husband say something. When you do this, don’t couch your message in the sense of being “rude.” Instead, tell her that she hurts your feelings and gives you the impression that she doesn’t value your company as much as you value hers. It also hinders high quality visits. If you put it that way, it might make her less defensive because it’s the truth.

Dear ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for many years. I never really liked his mother – for valid reasons. She belittles and disrespects her son. The last catch was when she came two months ago and made a disparaging comment to me about it. (He was not present.) It was fake, and I called him. She, of course, had no objection. She is also negative in her personal life and often lies.

I talked to my fiance about it, and he addresses the issues with her, but not in a way where he understands that she either has to respect him or risk not having a relationship with him anymore. She uses others, is two-faced and rarely washes. I am considering ending our engagement at this point. I am tired of this woman’s lack of respect. Should I leave this relationship? – INVERTED AND FAILED TO THE EAST

DEAR DEAR: If your tolerance level has reached its limit, you may need to leave. However, I don’t think you should give your fiance an ultimatum in which he has to decide between you and his mother. As disgusting and hateful as she is, she is still his mother. I think you should suggest that he talk to a licensed psychotherapist about his relationship with her. If it is as unhealthy as you have described, then he himself may decide to distance himself from her.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.