How to deal with narcissistic family members this holiday season, according to a psychologist

Is your family on the bad list?

A forensic psychologist has passed along some sage advice on how to deal with abrasive relatives who exhibit narcissistic tendencies.

Ava Green, a lecturer at the University of London, explains how to manage one’s emotions around a selfish family that can push party buttons to the point of shouting, “Bah, lose it!”

“They feel entitled to special treatment, are unable to empathize with others, use people to boost their self-esteem and display controlling and manipulative behaviour,” she wrote in an essay for The Conversation, offering advice what to do.

“This may include some emergency slips up your sleeve to avoid confrontation, such as ‘I’m going to help mum and dad in the kitchen’ or ‘I’m going to play with the kids.’ Alternatively, you can be more direct and comment that ‘I think I need some space, we can catch up later’.

Green also suggests “redirecting the conversation” to prevent things from getting out of hand. She suggests talking about TV or sports. Failing that, she suggests saying sternly, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

The psychologist also explained that those with narcissistic traits are usually the ones who respond with anger and rage in situations. In those cases, they are often manipulative or undermining to boost their ego.

“If someone belittles you for an ‘ordinary gift’ or for the fact that you haven’t achieved the same success in life as they think they have, use the ‘grey swing’ tactic – being non-reactive, boring and uninteresting” , Green wrote.

“This will avoid fueling their need for attention. Remind yourself that their attack isn’t personal – it’s not about you, it’s about their need for control.”

Trying to “reframe empathy” by citing stories about people who are more successful by seeing things from other people’s perspectives can also work in “a desperate situation.”

But above all, don’t let their antics get in the way of your party.

“While you’re trying all of this, make sure you prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. It’s okay to retreat to a quiet room to get some space or go outside for a walk,” Green added.

“Remind yourself that you don’t need to commit, interact or stay the entire duration for the sake of family togetherness.”