Dear Abby: All my friends for decades have avoided me – I don’t know why

Dear ABBY: For the third time in my life, I am being shunned by old friends. Over the years, I have spent a lot of time and effort staying in touch with them. When we lived in the same places, we were very close. I eventually moved away, but always kept in touch

These friendships have spanned decades and, as we rarely see each other, I cannot fathom what could have happened to prompt this. I know everyone has problems, but they don’t respond anymore, and I’m extremely hurt by it. It only takes seconds to receive a text or email. Of course, I would be there for them in any way I could if they were struggling

I wish I could tell him, but I know it wouldn’t solve anything, although it might be nice to get it off my chest. I’m having a hard time letting this go. What do you think I can do? It’s hard to believe they can be so heartless. – JUMP TO FLORIDA

DEAR LET DOWN: Friendships don’t always last forever. Sometimes the ties that bind people together begin to break. The geographical distance only adds to this. If I thought telling these people would accomplish anything positive, I’d say go ahead and do it, but it won’t. That would only justify the reason (if there is even a reason) why they moved.Â

The healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now is to accept that what you had in the past no longer exists and focus on cultivating relationships closer to home with people who want to be friends with you.

Dear ABBY: As a 70-year-old who dedicated her nursing career to improving care for the elderly, I know what good care looks like. I have seen it and offered it. Good care is when “what matters most” to patients drives the entire treatment plan. It’s age-friendly care that’s informed by the medications we take, how easily we move, our mood and memory, and our goals and preferences.Â

Unfortunately, we are not getting good care as often as we should. A survey conducted by my organization with Age Wave found that only 11% of older adults give the US health care system a high rating. The survey also shows that we value life in our years, not just the years in our life. It highlights a disconnect between the care older adults want and what they receive. Disadvantages are most pronounced for people of color, women, and those living in rural areas

Readers can learn about the care we want, deserve and can get at http://www.johnahartford.org/crossroads. It’s time to transform health care for adults. I am optimistic that we can do it together. – TERRI FULMER, PRESIDENT, JOHN A. HARTFORD FOUNDATION

Dear TERRI: Thank you for writing. I am impressed by how prudently funded and managed your organization appears to be

Readers, in 2023, this organization awarded $28 million in grants and another $2 million for research. Their beneficiaries include a wide range of think tanks, advocacy groups, hospital systems and medical associations. If you are looking for an opportunity to get involved, visit the Dr. Fulmer mentioned in her letter. If we want better care for older adults, we all need to look at what it entails and how to make sure we get it.

PS I am not affiliated with Dr. Fulmer’s organization, or any organization mentioned in my column.Â

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.